


Of Angels and Demons

by stuffilikeiwrite



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, M/M, Romance, Sad!Vader, slight AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:27:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24049675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stuffilikeiwrite/pseuds/stuffilikeiwrite
Summary: The Jedi had loved her.The Jedi lovedhim.He'd wanted them both.He'd ended up withneither.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker | Darth Vader, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Darth Vader, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker | Darth Vader, Padmé Amidala/Darth Vader
Comments: 10
Kudos: 103





	Of Angels and Demons

The Jedi had loved her. 

The Jedi loved _him_. 

He'd wanted them both. 

He'd ended up with _neither_.

Padmé; The Jedi had _claimed_. She'd been his; body and soul. He'd had her love, her affection, her full attention. He'd had her heart in the palm of his hand, had her willing flesh in his arms. She'd been his _everything_ , as far as she _could_ be. She'd been understanding, forgiving, nurturing. She’d seen his mistakes, and she’d accepted them as part of him. No matter how severe, or how _haunting_.

He hadn't _deserved_ her love, he knew as much. He hadn't deserved her patience, or her oversights. He hadn’t deserved her constant concern, her will to always keep him happy. He'd been so stable with her by his side; so _content_ to fall asleep with her face nestled close into his chest. Listening to her soft breaths, her silky dark hair spilling over the pillows. He'd pressed tender kisses to her forehead; to the tip of her tiny nose.

And yet, the very next day he'd be leaving her apartment for the Jedi temple. 

Taking the hidden back road alleyways, keeping out of sight. There were people who knew, who _suspected_. But he'd take no chances. Still, it was _different_ with Obi Wan. He _knew_ about Padmé, about the secret affair. He never said outright, they never spoke of it; but he showed it through constant insinuations. But as soon as The Jedi was reunited with his former master, the bond between them would hum through the Force. It ran deep, like an electrical surge; like a primal _need_.

The Jedi wouldn't admit it, but there was a physical craving there for Obi Wan, and ache to be more than just good friends; more than just brothers. Obi Wan would _never_ approve, even if he may accept the infatuation; would never abandon the Jedi code for an emotional attachment like that. Wouldn't even get involved, as far as The Jedi was aware. Still, The Jedi had often wondered if Obi Wan couldn’t feel that _overwhelming_ desire that would sometimes pass through their Force attachment.

The Jedi had felt tremendous guilt regarding the dilemma. 

Every time he returned to Padmé, the love for her swelling in his heart. Him looking into her dark eyes, caressing her smooth cheek. Making his chest feel tight, making his belly flutter even after four years as a married couple. He’d always be met with the same tenderness; the same sense of _belonging_. He'd shower her with compliments. Oh, how he'd _adored_ her. He'd have been lost without her; utterly desolate.

And still, late at night when he woke up, the lingering memory of his dreams taunted him with _Obi Wan's_ name. He wasn't sure when it had begun, but certainly the longing had been there ever since his teenage years. Living in such close proximity, seeing each other every day. Obi Wan's strawberry blonde hair, his wise eyes. The way those eyes would crinkle when he smiled; the way he had taken to ruffling The Jedi's hair while he was still a youngster. With age, it had become an appreciative pat on the back. The touch _always_ lingering.

_No._

Vader clenched his fists tightly, staring defiantly out into the void of black space expanding ahead of him. Through the window, here on the command bridge of his very own vessel, he should be _focused_. He was not weak, _not anymore_. He was beyond petty grievances. Beyond any physical desires or indulgences.

He served only his master. Only the Empire; what _the Jedi_ had once felt was no longer of any use to him. No longer of any importance. He shut his eyes behind the lenses of his face plate; letting the anger soothe his _pain_. Letting it nurture his power with the Dark Side. Forcing himself to turn away from the memories, and still there it was. Nagging at the back of his mind.

_Padmé_.

Padmé, who _should_ have been enough. Who should have assuaged him, who should have provided the stable sense of home he'd longed for. Who should have sated his desires. And yet, he wanted _more_. He couldn't be satisfied with only her love. Despite the way in which she murmured his name; despite her gentle fingers toying with his curls. Despite her intoxicating scent of Summer; despite her coy hazel eyes.

_Obi Wan._

He wanted Obi Wan; to _conquer_ and make his own. Wanted for Obi Wan to belong to _him_ , satisfy _his_ needs. For Obi Wan to be his, and _his alone_. 

He'd been aroused with Padmé, by Padmé - of course. Their union had resulted in offspring - _no, don't go there_ \- still, it had never been as deeply rooted as the _aching_ for Obi Wan. Something The Jedi could never bring himself to confess, something Obi Wan had never been made aware of.

Making love to Padmé had been sweet, tender, gentle like a spring rain. Always pure, seated in their shared love for one another. It was _innocent_ , in a sense. Born out of all the right reasons - despite going strictly against the Jedi Code. She was his reality. But in his dreams, there was Obi Wan. And those dreams were _never_ innocent, or pure.

Should The Jedi have _revealed_ his darkest secret?

There had been ample opportunity. They'd been working so closely together, had known each other inside and out. The Jedi had spent uncountable nights tossing and turning, listening to chirping forest animals. Sent to lead another battalion; serving the Republic in another fruitless effort to end the war. Obi Wan fast asleep by his side; soft snoring noises filtering from parted lips. There'd always been a pang in The Jedi's chest, like an invisible hand _squeezing_ the air from his lungs. He'd be reminded of lying restless with Padmé in his arms, listening to her murmuring intelligible nothings in her slumber.

And despite that - _despite_ the shame brewing underneath the surface - there would be a heated surge running down The Jedi's spine. There would be a growing, powerful urge to brush Obi Wan’s face; feel the course beard underneath his fingers. To graze Obi Wan's lips with his fingertips; with _his own lips_. To kiss him, the way he'd kiss Padmé.

_No._

It would have been _different_. Kissing Padmé was serene, and reassuring. Kissing Obi Wan would be like a firestorm, like a force of nature.

_No, Anakin Skywalker is **dead**. There's only Vader. **You** are **Vader**._

And Vader wouldn't care. 

He wouldn't spare his old master the pleasure of entertaining his memory. He may as well be dead. An old fool, fleeing the eye of the Empire like a coward; running into exile. Leaving his own apprentice to die in a pit of molten lava; watching him burst into flames. That one image of Obi Wan’s glassy eyes in the light of the searing _agony_ as he was burnt alive; forever etched into The Jedi’s mind.

_No. **The Jedi **burnt. **I** was set free.****_

****

Vader would not recall The Jedi's foolish dreams; his impure fantasies. Would not dwell of moments of weakness, where The Jedi had given in to the lust and shoved his hand down his pants - watching the steady rise and fall of Obi Wan's chest throughout the act. He would _not_ revisit the shame that would flood the _Jedi’s_ senses when he was finished; when all he could think of was how Padmé would feel if she knew. How Padmé would feel if she knew she was never going to be _enough_.

****

Vader turned away; flexing his fingers a couple of times. Fretting eyes of Imperial officers were regarding him with caution. Still, the sound of Padmé uttering that cliched phrase echoed in his head. The conviction in her tone as clear as had it happened only yesterday; her beautiful face serious. The fear of impending doom _dissipating_.

****

“I truly, deeply _love you_.”

****

Padmé had _loved_ him. And he had loved her, more than any words could express. But as soon as he recalled the sweet sound of her voice speaking those words; _another followed_. One full of anguish; of sorrow. Broken, wavering. Just as truthful, just as _honest_.

****

“You were my brother, Anakin! _I loved you_ …”

****

_**Don’t.**_

****

But it was too late.

****

Vader silently cursed Obi Wan; cursed everything he had ever meant to him. Cursed the feelings Obi Wan had awakened in him. Feelings that _should_ have belonged to Padmé - and _Padmé alone_. 

****

One day, he would find him. He would _find_ him, and put an end to him. Put an end to all the _suffering_ his existence had brought The Jedi. Obi Wan must die, or the thoughts would never leave him alone. The Jedi’s memories must be destroyed; Obi Wan _purged_ just as the rest of the Jedi Order. Just like Ahsoka had been. Just like Padmé; _by his own hand_.

****

Vader ground his teeth together; turning on his heel as he strode off of the bridge; down the hallways leading towards his private chambers. He needed to meditate, he needed to do _anything_ to distract himself. To _vanquish_ The Jedi’s memories from his mind; to find peace. The peace only the Force could provide. 

****

Still, he knew deep down that the _only way_ to banish The Jedi would be to _die himself_. 

****

Padmé had been his _angel_ ; the light and love of his life. Obi Wan was his downfall; a _demon_ seeking to drag him asunder. Without even being aware of it himself.

**Author's Note:**

> So, this does have unrequited Obikin, but ofc it does have to have Anidala as well. I always wanna write this stuff as close to canon as possible, so I hope this worked out for the peeps who aren’t generally that into Obikin. 
> 
> It’s one of my olden days ships, and I wanted to write something to in-cooperate it in a somewhat believable way. And only alluded mature themes, nothing more! It’s PG.
> 
> I have no idea if anyone will read and/or enjoy it, it’s just a little test run basically. Still, here we go!
> 
> Enjoy!


End file.
